National Geographic Documentary on Scouts

Due to the recent negative stigma directed at this elusive hero, my sponsors demanded a documentary featuring this majestic beast. I gathered my team and set out into the field for a 5 day safari.

Day 1

Didn't see any scouts today.
I made the mistake of not disguising myself and accidentally went into the 1700 bracket. Upon further investigation I was informed by the locals that Scouts in this area had long since been hunted to extinction. Saddened by this news, I was suddenly met with a godsend when I ran into a colorful gentleman walking out of a saloon named "Paris Hilton's Cooch." Pestilence informed me that "If I was lookin' fer a scout, I'd head on down to the 1400 bracket. But no one 'round here's been down that way for months." I decided to create a new account and sneak into this "1400 bracket."

Day 2

I saw a scout today.
Well, I heard one at least. As soon as the hero selection window opened, "SCOUT!!" was shouted by some anonymous gentleman in the first two seconds. Soon followed was "Pestilence!" and "Arachna!". Unfortunately, After I ented the game Scout mysteriously dissapeared. I saw a report somewhere that his items had been distributed to his team. Poor fellow must have died or something. Perhaps I'll have better luck tomorrow.

Day 3

I saw my first scout today, and was not impressed.
In the first place, the fellow did not speak very much. This made conducting an interview impossible. He was on my team, however, making observing him rather easy. He seemed to spend almost 90% of his time simply hovering around enemies waiting for something to happen. Curious about this, I decided to engage an opponent near him and see how he responded. After I got the hero to 20% health and on the run, I figured the scout must simply be afk. But low and behold, as I was one hit from killing the enemy, scout lept into action! He felled the enemy I had been combating in a single blow, and seemed to most proud of this fact. I inquired as to why he didn't help me sooner, but was intern called a "noob". I looked to my teammatees for guidance, to which they sighed and put their face in their hands. Five minutes later scout commited suicide by following a hero at half health all the way up into their base. He died, said something which was censored, and immediately ragequit, never to be seen again. Perhaps I will find a better scout tomorrow.

Day 4

I found another scout today!
Unfortunately, he was on the other team. We were roughly halfway through the game and I hadn't even noticed the other team was in possession of a scout. I encountered an enemy and managed to dispatch him with half of my health remaining. Then, to my great amazement, an electric eye dropped right next to me! Tinged with excitement, I awaited for this majestic beast to display itself. Sure enough, after the eye exploded I was met with four lightning fast hits. At about 10% health left, it appeared as though I was going to escape back behind my tower. To my great amazement the scout was still fast on my tail. Watching the tower destroy him, I was reminded of just how few of these mentally challenged creatures were left in the world. I resolved to let him kill me as a tribute to this magnificent creature. After my body fell, it began to rain. To my surprise, it was not rain, the scout was spitting on me. I thought for a moment that perhaps these animals are like flies, in that they spew forth their digestive fluid on their prey. Unfortunately, I learned soon enough that this was simply a precurser to trash talking. And my word, I had never heard so much trash talk. Verbal missiles such as "Umadbro?, Noob, I 0wned j00," and a variety of colorful racist slurs, were firing off in salvos. Admittedly, I felt a rage began to build in me. I proceeded to kill him multiple times after that, but each time I killed him seemed only to fuel his verbal furnace. The trash talk began to spew forth with great speed and inconsistency, typos on top of typos sprinkled on his expulsions of rage and frustration. I finally began to understand the mindset behind the Scout, and why they receive the reputation they are so famous for.

Day 5

I saw my last scout today; he made me punch a hole in the wall.
On my last day on safari, I saw one more scout. This time, my team mates fed him. Apparently scouts are like gremlins; You are not supposed to feed them. 10 minutes into the game, scout had a Cranium Basher and a Shield Breaker. At least, that's what I think he had when I could see during my brief glimpses of consciousness between stun procs. As always, the worst part regarding death was the wall of text following a successfull kill. Apparently Scouts operate in a heirarchy, the dominant (and most annoying) Scout always possessing the most kills. Assists seem to be irrelevant. In fact, Scouts with assists are looked down upon by their peers furthering their bad reputations. It is my conclusion that scouts should be herded into camps and gassed. Madmen seem to fulfill the same ecological roll without all the text pollution. Perhaps this is why Scouts are so rarely seen in our progressive 1700+ societies.